Stop Talking More And Communicating Less: Emotional Intelligence For Leaders

What Happens When We Don’t Recognize Different Communication Styles

From boardrooms to international classrooms, I have seen how misunderstandings surrounding behavioral styles impede communication again and again. I’ve also experienced it firsthand in my own career. I went into a colleague’s office with a sheet of paper outlining three clear points and got right to it: “Here’s point A, B, and C,” with clear action items for each one. When we didn’t get anything done, I left feeling confused: I had come in prepared and ready to make decisions. Why hadn’t we moved forward?

Upon reflecting, I realized we had opposite behavioral styles. He was steady and relational and needed to slow things down. In our follow-up meeting, I had the same sheet of paper, but I slowed down, taking time to ask about items in his bookcase, his weekend, and so on. Then, I got to my three points, but this time I kept my suggestions open-ended: “How do you think we should handle this?” The meeting took twice as long, but it was time well spent, because we made progress. We became a dynamic team, complementing each other’s styles, not working in friction.

DISC: One Tool for Unlocking EQ

Emotional intelligence for leaders can help identify differences in behavioral and communication styles—and there are a number of tools that can help strengthen “EQ.” One of these is the DISC framework, which is rooted in four behavioral styles that shape how people process, deliver, and receive communications:

• D (Dominance): Direct, fast, results-focused—wants to get to the point.
• I (Influence): Enthusiastic, people-oriented—wants connection and recognition.
• S (Steadiness): Relational, consensus-seeking—needs time to process and doesn’t like being rushed.
• C (Conscientiousness): Analytical, detail-oriented—wants data and evidence.

Every person has all four traits, just in different proportions. DISC helps us understand and appreciate how we—and those around us—transmit and receive information. We can then adjust accordingly.

How to Put Emotional Intelligence for Leaders Into Practice

Of course, you can’t ask everyone you interact with to take a DISC assessment. However, a strong EQ will allow you to pick up on the nonverbal cues needed to read people and adapt to their communication style in real time. There are a few things you can try to fine-tune that EQ.

Start by asking, not telling. Instead of leading with information, ask, “Are you interested in learning more?” or “How much information would be helpful?” Let the other person set the pace. As you listen to their answers, pay attention to nonverbal cues just as much as verbal ones—often, people say more with their bodies than their words.

It’s also important to remove judgment. Everybody is going through something you can’t see, and they will carry that stress with them, sometimes bringing it into other interactions. Approach conversations with curiosity instead of assumptions.

Finally, extend that empathy to yourself. Communication breaks down the most under stress. Identify your own triggers, recognize them when they appear, and address them accordingly. And when you do overstep—which will happen, because nobody is perfect—practice self-compassion, take a pause, and reset.

Communicating Smarter, Not More

Learning how to read people’s communication styles and adjusting your own takes practice and time. However, fine-tuning emotional intelligence for leaders is well worth the payoff. People are far more likely to hear your message and accept your feedback when you’ve built trust through attentive, empathetic communication, and that level of understanding will help move you toward win-win solutions that work for everyone.