Confidence Is Borrowed. Audacity Is Owned.

When Confidence Disappears

The first time I went after an executive role, I didn’t have the confidence to apply. The only reason I did was because the outgoing executive told me I should go for the role. That gave me confidence.

Until the day of the final interview. Right before I headed into the board room, he then told me, “Sorry, but I believe we’ll be going another direction. But go in there and give it your best so you can be considered for the next role that opens up.”

Those two sentences destroyed the confidence I’d built up. My stomach wasn’t near my knees anymore. It was flat out on the floor.

So in the void that followed, I did the only thing I knew to do: Go into that interview and be audacious. I had nothing to lose. No performative gamesmanship to abide by. I had done much harder things before in my life: living in a tent, raising my siblings, figuring out how to afford college. Audacity made me turn the initial disappointment into a “do it anyway” moment.

Instead of the interview being about qualifications and a resume, I started with the key problem with the company and recommended ways to fix it. Boom. Done. Leaving it all on the line.

I got the job.

And then when I was offered the terms being contingent on moving several states away to corporate HQ and moving my family, I had the audacity to push back and negotiate an alternate option instead. Audacity did that, not confidence.

Confidence is like a fish hook. At any point, it can be yanked back. Right before the interview, my confidence was yanked back. Whereas audacity was a choice I made to do the interview anyway, on my terms.

Audacious, Not Fearless

Someone asked me the other day, “Do CEOs have fear?”

Of course we do. I have two children with special needs and I’m fearful for their health, safety, and long-term care. Every day. In work, there is always the fear a deal breaks apart, or that I’m not working for the right client. But in the face of fear, the following analogy always helps:

Confidence is like ice skates—able to move fast and elegantly but even a champion can fall from an unpredictable wobble. Audacity keeps you grounded like snowshoes when you’re hiking in deep snow. Even if you falter, you won’t lose your foothold.

Audacity isn’t the absence of fear but the 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐲.

Usually because 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 to you 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬.

Confidence can shatter in a moment. Audacity stays strong even when the haters throw everything they’ve got at you. So maybe we need to stop trying to inspire confidence in our teams and instead inspire audacity. We need to hear their fears, acknowledge their doubts, but then give them the tools to grow into something more.

Because audacity isn’t something you are born with but it’s something you build.

Take a few moments to jot down the last time you were audacious when confidence disappeared. What was something you did even though you didn’t “feel ready”?

Building Audacity In Your Team

Most leaders try to instill confidence in their teams with phrases like “Great job! You are an asset to the job.”

But here is my suggestion: At your next meeting, take a couple minutes to share the time you acted without feeling ready and ask who else has one. And if someone is struggling with an answer, take note and follow up to help build their audacity.

The audacious leader inspires audacity in their team. And the audacious teams get better results, because they have already practiced the hardest skill in business: moving when nothing feels certain.

If you found this helpful, you can pre-order my upcoming book Audacity: Go From Wannabe Leader to the Leader Others Wannabe, where I go deeper into why audacity is 1000% better than confidence.